That’s Not Mine...
I’ve heard a lot of excuses over the years.
“These aren’t my pants…”
“That’s not my car…”
“That’s not my dope…”
“That’s not my gun…”
Arguing the pants, you happened to get stopped by the cops in, which subsequently contain a shit load of coke is not yours? Alright, we can walk through that logic while I book you in. Same thing with ‘That’s not my car,’ only difference there is I get to add a stolen vehicle charge to the distributing or trafficking.
But when you’ve got baggies of coke and meth wrapped around your dick, you gotta get creative when the cops find it.
First of all, the guy in the captioned story, Patrick, should have paid a little more attention to the road while rollin dirty. Driving around at 4 am with no headlights or taillights does not leave you with a high probability of drug dealer success. That’s a lay-up for any cop when articulating how he ended elbow deep in your pants. Without context, that phrase would have been real awkward.
The worst part about this is Patrick wasn’t even the driver. He also didn’t remind his buddy that they were driving around town in the dark either so sympathy here does not come easy. The driver got wrapped up for DUI. An inventory search of the car, mandatory upon arrest if the car is being towed, revealed a gun and ammunition. Patrick is a multi-felon, which is a real problem if you also happen to be a gun aficionado. The report indicates that Patrick has “dozens of felony convictions.” I added that quote only because it made me giggle when I read the article. During the search upon arrest, the Deputy found cocaine and methamphetamines in baggies wrapped around Patrick’s dick. In response, the best he can come up with is.
“That’s not mine.”
Dude…
How about, “How’d that get there?” or try saying that it’s not cocaine it’s the stuff from inside hand warmer packets. It's Florida, sure, but who is the cop to decide how tolerant you are to cold weather. What if you said you fell asleep at your girls, or boys, house? Act really surprised when the search reaches your dick and claim you were sexually assaulted. Say you were drugged, and someone must have sexually assaulted you when they strapped the dope to your dick. Wait, that might have actually worked. I bet some victims' protection rights, or some nonsense would have been triggered if he threw out the victim card. That would have at least bought him one more week on the street before the police proved his story to be garbage. You might think that last bit was really dumb, but I’ve had to lay to rest miles of bullshit at taxpayer expense just to close pretty straightforward cases because lawyers and supervisors were too afraid to make a call. How’s that for true crime?
So, Patrick, honestly, NCIS says you have dozens of felony convictions under your belt so I’m kind of disappointed that all you could come up with is, ‘that’s not mine.’ Then again, with the rolling around with a hammered driver, no lights, in the wee hours of the morning. It probably wasn’t going to be your night anyway.
Better luck next time.
Reference:
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/crime/wrapped-package-arrest-896154
Hoping you all are enjoying Acquisitor. Thank you for the support. Hope you had a great holiday.
Next order of business. Blood Red Ivory drops January 18th. I included an excerpt to give you an early peek.
Excerpt:
He studied the flattened and chipped piece of lead that kind of resembled a broken metal mushroom when he noticed movement in the background…big movement. He shifted his focus from the bullet fragment to a grey giant standing not twenty yards away. A bull elephant with tusks as tall as his own six-foot frame stared at him. Its ears waved slowly in the heat; the snout of its trunk curled in his direction as was all of the massive animal’s focus. “Oh shit.” Ty Benhoff found himself in a staring contest with an animal the size of his garage back home in Virginia.
“Do not move.” The low voice was not much more than a whisper.
The bull snorted and pawed at the red dirt with its front leg.
“He’s trying to decide whether or not you are a threat.”
“Whoever you are…”
“He’s trying to decide whether you live or die. Do not move, do not talk, and whatever you do, do not look away.”
“Yup.” For reasons Ty could not explain, he found himself raising his hands as if the animal was robbing him.
“I said do not move.” The voice was female, and persistent. The elephant called in a boisterous trumpeting sound and stomped his foot again. Benhoff realized he was shaking, or was that his heart racing? He couldn’t tell over the blood rushing in his ears.